Yahtzee Croshaw is a British-born Australian video game journalist, author, and internet personality. He is best known for his work on the website “Zero Punctuation,” where he reviews video games in a rapid-fire, humorous, and often critical manner. Croshaw is recognized for his distinctive, fast-paced delivery and use of animated visuals to complement his reviews.
In addition to his online video game critiques, Yahtzee Croshaw has also ventured into writing. He has authored several books, including “Mogworld” (2008), “Jam” (2012), and “Will Save the Galaxy for Food” (2017). His writing often reflects a dark and satirical sense of humor, and he has gained a following for his unique storytelling style.
Croshaw’s contributions to the gaming community and his success as an author have made him a prominent figure in the world of online media and entertainment.
Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes
1. “The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
2. “The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
3. “The geek shall inherit the earth.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
4. “Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
5. “I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love. And then some git brought me back to life.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
6. “He who trades pacing for gimmicky open-world freedom deserves neither.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
7. “The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn’t.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
8. “If you ask me, the hypothetical zenith of gaming technology is direct neural interface – no body to hamper you and your brain is in whatever you want it to be in. Plus it leads to existential uncertainty, which could be entertaining.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
9. “So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
10. “Readers of my online journal – I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
11. “I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
12. “Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they’re interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don’t like people in the plural and I’ve seen very little to change my mind about that.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
13. “Well we’ve left behind the 200X’s, and we move onto the 20XX’s. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we’re living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
14. “The jam had filled the courtyard and foyer and pushed the water out of the swimming pool. Where it touched the walls, little tendrils snaked their way upwards like searching fingers. There was an overpowering stench of strawberries.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
15. “Fair warning,” I said. “We may die horribly the moment I turn this handle.” “I beg your pardon?” I turned the handle. There.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
16. “That fact forms the center of a slightly racist joke referencing Ritsuko City’s large population of Japanese speakers. And I could certainly have escaped justice indefinitely by crossing the Black. But I’d have to lose my last scrap of self-respect, and in that case I would take up transvestite hooking before piracy. At least that would make for a less awkward conversation with Dad.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
17. “He was obviously taking an extended holiday from reality, an option that I had to admit I was finding more and more tempting.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
18. “What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
19. “Anyway, something tells me that wasn’t the kind of death you come back from.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
20. “He hastily pulled off his dressing gown – revealing austere black boxer shorts and a threadbare T-shirt for something called Mogworld – and began twirling it frantically around his head.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
21. “The obedient Pitbull becomes the escaped tiger and it’s got a knife.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
22. “Originally it had had two settings: Stun and Kill. These had proved inadequate against the ridiculously well-armored skin of monsters from particularly rough planets, so I’d found a way to tinker with the built-in limitations. The dial now had a third setting, labeled with the handwritten words ‘Solve All Immediate Problems.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
23. “She looked like a drama student who had been told to be a tree, then never told to stop.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
24. “There was an Iron Man–shaped ache in my face.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
25. “I’d sometimes pictured myself bravely sacrificing my life to save another, but my preference had always been that it be someone I actually liked.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
26. “Oh, traccy traccy ply ply bracket doints and divs.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
27. “I don’t actually remember if I was able to get a firebolt off. I have a vague memory of seeing orange light splatter harmlessly against a spiked breastplate, but that might just have been sparks from all the metal rubbing against metal. Then there was a sound rather like a bag of wet laundry being hurled across a gravel driveway, and that was the first time I died.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
28. “As the saying goes, a star pilot’s flight jacket has no stains, only stories.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
29. “Nothing says ‘I come in peace’ like a good incendiary device.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
30. “I turned to my animal instincts again, but they shrugged, out of ideas. I was going to have to come up with an actual solution.”
— Yahtzee Croshaw
